why

kian kekalutan

diri bgi kan hamba yg hina

Sometimes..

we fall in love

but falling in love is heaven

if and only if 

the other person feels the same way too

else

it is hell

Sometimes..

we tell them how we feel

but it would be meaningful

if and only if

the other person tells you they love you too

and mean it

else 

it is worthless

Sometimes..

we yearn for their love

but it would be possible

if and only if

the other person passionately wants your love too

else

it is nothing but false pretense

Sometimes..

a broken heart

that is the one and only thing you get

when you fall in love.

Mencari

Sepanjang hayat manusia mencari

Tiapnya mencari yang berbeza

Pengertian, penerangan, penerimaan

Juga yg terusan mencari

Kekayaan, kebahagiaan, ketenangan

Mencari

Walau beza tuju dan jalannya

Dedikasi pun tidak sama

Nawaitu serupa ingin mencari

Yang elok dan buruk

Yang halal dan tidak

Yang mati dan abadi

Terpulang bagi yang mencari

Mencari

Sesaat lahir ke dunia

Dia mencari, mata meliar

Kanan dan kiri,

Siapa ibunya,

Sedetik hampir ke pangkuan illahi

Ada masih mencari

Akal dan hati teruji

Siapa tuhannya

Sehingga terputus nafasnya

Manusia kadang masih mencari

Jiwanya kosong

Walau duka datang melanda

Tak henti cuba menerjah jiwa

Agar bergelimpang menanti ajal

Dia terus mengaminkan doa dan bertawakal

Jiwanya kosong

Biarkan terus ia kosong

Tanpa ada yang perlu dirasakan

Maka segala kesakitan tak terasa lagi

Jiwanya tambah kosong

Semakin hari menempias taufan

Hingga kadang menanti sahaja

Hadir ia sudah terbiasa

Jiwanya memang kosong

Dia akui

Dan dia tiada merasa sesal

Kerana kekosongan ini ibarat damai

Damai dalam mencari bahagia

It was a breathtaking night,

yes it was a NIGHT!!

but it was truly bright,

my sun was shining effortlessly,

flinging away the darkness

that filled up my heart,

my sun was shining with all his might.

The angels were singing,

and dancing to the tune 

that he was playing,

the cheer, smiles and laughter 

he brought,

unforgettable and comforting.

Dawn peeks sooner than expected,

though that's when he usually shines through,

his light fades

and died away,

the sky was gloomy,

the angels stopped the singing and dancing,

and they left me,

i was all alone,

the sky was dark again and my sun is gone..

=(

to see him lying there

breathing through the oxygen mask..

with the life support machine next to him..

he looked so different than he used to..

he was my most good looking and charming uncle..

the one with a good career and cool cars..

the one i looked up to when i was a kid..

the one i'm proud to tell people 'this is my uncle'..

now there he is..

on the  hospital bed.. 

that image took away all the bad things he did or once said to me..

i realize no ones perfect..

i too have hurt one or two or even more souls in my lifetime..

there were the bad times but still..

he is my uncle..

who used to carry me around when i was a baby..

thought me a few things in life..

who used to be my idol.. my father figure..

he gave me knowledge and confidence...

he gave me love when i needed them most..

though time has passed and things have happened..

but it all doesn't matter anymore to me..

that is my uncle..

that is my uncle lying on the hospital bed.. 

and i love him so.. 

(please get well soon..)

1. how far would one go to resolve an issue?

2. when you know you are in hot water and you caught cold feet..

3. when things just go south when you really want them to head north..

4. when your whole effort, your life, your dreams seemed falling apart and breaking up into gazillion pieces..

5. how far would you actually go to put things right back the way they were?

6. who would fight along with you?

7. dignity and honor? would it be considered when your life is just hanging by the string..

would you kill?
would you lie?
would you steal?
would you die?
would you sell your soul?
or sell yourself?
would you?

8. just how far would one go.. to cross the borderline or not.. to jump or not.. to choose to continue breathing or to end the agony..

the stars were still there
the moon i wasn't sure
homo sapiens in their ride
not many
i left with my sword & shield
anticipating the near fight
i used to be a war lead
but time changes
even the strongest iron

butterflies won't leave my insides
flying at God-knows-how-fast Mph
banging on the roadside's curb
i had to rid them i knew
to the loo i went
down the loo they perished

the stairs seems long today
longer than its usual
knees of an old patriot fell prey
felt weak and it dangled
the railing came to the rescue
the stairs were the first to attack
but weren't the last
the war has yet to begun

and when it did
anger flourished like
hell was released
but it was all contained
after a long breath or two

it wasn't long
but it was for me
went through it anyway
though i lose
for reasons i knew
i could counter
but i wasn't bothered
to shoot another bow

to hell with you
there's no immortality
nor a trophy
to parade after the war
i have no interest
to shoot another bow
won't even try

i lose
i did
but i'll move on
with a new sword
a new knee.

note: my thesis presentation was on Friday.. which is y'terday.. went rather badly as you can read in the poetry.. but i'm so over it ;) just wanna enjoy my hours in faculty right now